Dear Diary, My Teen Angst Bullshit Now Has a Body Count
If someone tells me they had a good time in high school, I’d shake their hand and congratulate them, sincerely. Because sometimes I think high school is inherently designed to be awful. At least that’s the general consensus. Everyone suffers in their own way, but the main point is that no one is excluded from that suffering.
That’s precisely why the movie Heathers (1988) is brilliant. It shaped my personality and my attitude toward those five years, which were… beautiful, to say the least.
Veronica becomes part of the popular girls in her high school to avoid the ridicule and bullying that the “common mortals” face. But this comes with a price, as being one of the Heathers means she’s expected to act like a total bitch. That’s just how their society works. And for any society to exist, its rules must be followed. I don’t like it when Kant is right. Neither does Veronica.
Things take a turn when Jason Dean (J.D.), the new guy, shows up at school. Veronica falls for him because he’s the opposite of the Heathers and the popular guys who used to bully her.
But, like all cool, intriguing, and alternative guys, Christian Slater’s character, J.D., is…fucked up and traumatized—his dad is a jerk, they move around constantly, and his mother committed suicide.
When Veronica has a falling-out with Heather Chandler (The Queen Bee), who then promises to ruin her place among the popular kids and relentlessly bully her, J.D. gets angry. While Veronica tries to apologize, J.D. “acsidentally” (not really) makes Veronica give a cup with poison to Heather, and she dies.
“I just killed my best friend.”
“And your worst enemy.”
“Same difference.”
To cover their tracks, Veronica and J.D. stage the incident as a suicide and write a suicide note.
By doing so, they give the otherwise shallow and cruel Heather some sort of soul, which turns out to jutify her terrible behavior toward others.
And here I find myself marveling once again at how rose-colored the glasses of death are. Because suddenly, everyone loves Heather now that she’s dead. They say if you want to say something about a dead person, it should be a good thing. If it’s not, then you better not say anything. As if everything bad they did doesn’t count anymore, now that they are not alive anymore. I’ve always found this idea extremely hypocritical and the movie is great at portraying this as well.
J.D. becomes fascinated with this indirect way of influencing the entire school and with his obsession to find deeper meaning where there is none. He manipulates Veronica into doing something similar with the popular jocks. He lies to her, saying it’s just a prank, but they really kill them and, once again, stage it as a suicide. He justifies it by saying chaos must be created. Because chaos is what killed the dinosaurs. Naturally, Veronica realizes J.D. is insane and breaks up with him.
The reactions at school escalate. When the unpopular girl Martha seriously tries to take her own life, no one cares anymore because, as they say, “the trend is over.”
“Just another geek trying to imitate the popular kids and failing miserably.”
J.D.’s madness spirals to the point where he plans to write the entire school’s suicide note and blow it up.
“One day they’re gonna see the ashes of Westerburg Highand they’re gonna say: ‘Here’s the school that self-destructed, not because society didn’t care, but because this school WAS society. The one place where Heather and Martha can get along is in heaven.’”
And there you have it—a perfect metaphor for how societies work. High school is just a projection of everything outside of it. As long as there are people, there will be hierarchies, outcasts, and those who fight against injustice. If there aren’t, then there’s no society.
We laugh when they say school prepares us for life by teaching us the Pythagorean theorem. But think about it. Isn’t every school divided into cliques and groups? Doesn’t every student have allies and enemies? And doesn’t this same structure follow us into the adult world? Wherever there are relationships, there’s a society. Wherever there’s society, there are victims… but that’s still better than going back to the dinosaurs, because there’s a reason they’re gone. So, if you think you don’t understand how a country is run or how wars are waged, just start observing the societies around you. As stupid and as basic high school drama sounds, it has a lot in common with big world problems. So if you pay attention, you’ll find out a lot.
“You know what I want, baby? Cool guys like you out of my life!”
I’m putting this here to remind you that hurt people hurt people and you should keep that in mind when you start falling for somebody. But that’s a topic I’ll leave for another time.
Veronica manages to save the school from J.D. and his plan, with him becoming the only victim in the end.
The film, as you can see, has a dark sense of humor and is wildly exaggerated, which means it’s not for everyone. But if you enjoy this kind of humor and need some sort of “cure” for high school—or at least the feeling that someone out there gets you—here you go. There’s also a musical, and the songs are great.
